Great Expectations

I have recently started a two week holiday from my day job and on the run up to it I was contemplating all the things I would get done. At home, as at work, I am a compulsive list writer. It enables me to feel organised, allows for planning and most importantly for me, it gives me structure. Psychologists have discovered that when we make a list it releases a hormone in the brain that makes us feel good because it enables us to feel in control; which is very important to our general emotional well-being. Apparently, when we then tick off the completed task from said list, there is another hormone released which again makes us feel good. So off I go with me list making. My aim was to progress my ICA work;this was subdivided into the business side of things; my website which is in the throws of being constructed by me. Indeed, this is my second attempt using a different software. I had previously used Go Daddy who (on completion of my first website) informed me the day before I planned to publish that they were no longer publishing sites produced by that software! Admittedly I did fall into a mild dispondency which on reflection lasted for a few months.

I wanted to balance my holiday with” work”and”fun” The fun bit was my horse: Cherry Blossom and would involve having additional riding lessons to improve our dressage in readiness for some local competitions ( a first for us) a goal I had set two years ago. Other fun things included walks with my dog Harry and moseying about Charity shops,I confess to a small addiction here. For me it’s like a treasure hunt, you never know just what you may find! The other work included decorating my bathroom and gardening and de- cluttering my wardrobes. I had recently returned from staying with friends and they lived in a lovely minimalist home which prompted me to live more in the present. There was definately something quite liberating about living in a space not cluttered by the past. So I managed to get rid of four big bags of stuff to the Charity shop;well done me!

Then the best laid plans of mice and men went out of the window- my computer got a virus which corrupted the software I was using to build website number two and I lost it all again. Fortunately I am blessed with a wonderful computer technican who does home visits and once again I started from scratch!

Half way through my holiday I began to feel pressured and not on holiday at all! So decided to take myself in hand and give my self time to reflect and explore what I was doing, why I was doing it and what my perspective was. As I sat quietly one evening with a beer. I detected a UAC .I questioned the pressure I was putting myself under and came up with a revalation that I was worried that someone from ICA would notice just how long I was taking to complete the course. I was aware that sometimes I can feel envious of people having the time and space to really get involved with the discussion board. I love reading the discussion board; there is so much talent out there in our community,so much warmth and intelligence – it’s a real feel-good experience. I have been aware of this feeling before and posted a piece on the board about being like the tortoise in the hare and the tortoise story. I had shone previous light on this UAC of slowness and the association with slow and therefore not as good and explored the judgements I was making. This time I asked how likely was it that someone from ICA would tell me off! and my conclusion – not very likely !Jeez did I feel better! I was advised to get support from my computer technician’s business partner,which I did and reached a whole new feeling about the website.

• With support I felt that I had a team behind me and I was not going it alone.
• I realised that although not being a “quiter” is a positive thing;it is always important to ask for help.
• I realised that it had been like the blind leading the blind in that I had no idea about building a website!
• The process of getting help brought much lightness to my heart.
• I went on to progress the other requirements of my ICA training with a fun attidude.
• I listened to the teleclass recording put together by Karen and Cassandra and whilst listening, got my blog up and running.
• The website came along well and I had some new ideas about bespoke yoga coaching for horse riders, runners and office workers.

So what did I learn about this time away from the go-go of my normal working week?

• Don’t go it alone, ask for help.
• Watch out for those deep rooted UAC’s.
• The importance of letting go of the outcome.

My break from work is now coming to an end and I feel really pleased with the progress I have made on my ICA training and I even fitted in putting some questions on the board which, as per usual, were promptly answered and boosted my feelings of having a strong support network.

I can honestly say that once the UAC was addressed I have fulfilled me great expectations. Well done me! I even sqeezed in the nice walks with my dog and some riding lessons on my horse.