It’s true! the universe really does look after us.

I wanted to share this Aha moment with you because it really has strengthened my faith. I have, for a long time believed that life is full of balance. When I reflect back on the darker times of my life, there has always been a ray of sunshine in there somewhere. It may have been having a horse or a good friendship with someone or the weather being particularly nice. I do believe that the universe really does look after us. This may not be totally apparent at the time, but if you wait long enough and look hard enough, I promise you, you’ll find it.

I have had a family crisis just waiting to happen for the past twenty years involving my alcoholic brother and my aging mum. As the years went by, with the situation getting worse and worse, I used to worry myself sick. I tried everything- cajoling, shouting, being patient, getting angry but I could not change the situation and it was like waiting for a car crash to happen. The thing was that he lived at home with my mum and she did everything for him and he continued to stay well past his fortieth birthday. He had become totally reckless and wouldn’t let anyone help and had no motivation to stop drinking. My mum and brother had developed an unhealthy dysfunctional co dependency for which I could do nothing about, apart from worry of course.

Being an action person the situation used to drive me insane. As the years went by I worried about how I was going to cope with an aging mum plus alcoholic brother with whom my relationship was strained to say the least.

I would imagine what it was going to be like and get myself into a fretful state internally. My favourite time to torture myself with these imaginings was when I have hoovering up! I remember finishing my housework feeling so tense and wound- up but having really no idea why. These imaginings caused me anxiety, stress, insecurity and panic.

With the benefit of coaching and my continued reading of self development literature and positive psychology, I came to understand that the mind thinks it’s preparing ourselves for a looming disaster and that some how it’s necessary to rehearse this. so that when the time comes we are ready for it. It’s a bit like us saying- now don’t get too cosy, something is bound to go wrong.

The situation started to come to a head two years ago and eventually he moved out in January of this year. After much coaching, persuasion and pure will power on my part, I managed to get my mum to realise that this situation would kill her. She took the opportunity not to have him return home when he went into hospital for a detoxification. I then worked really hard to ensure that he was picked up by the system. He now lives independently and has a social worker from the alcohol team.

The stress and trauma of the situation has now left my mum very ill with depression and in need of as much support as I can give her.

Although in many ways the past two years has been really challenging I have been in a really strong place to cope with it. I can honestly say that I have never been happier. My relationship with my partner is very strong, my friendships are good I have trusted colleagues at work and am physically fit and well. Although the stress is around me all the time I feel calm.

So, how has this happened?

I focus on what is right in front me – live in moment. By this I mean I let go of the things I have no control over.

I reassure myself that I have done everything possible to help the situation and don’t allow myself to either feel guilty, or be manipulated by guilt. As coaches we recognise that feeling guilty infers that we have done something wrong; so I take the judgment away and see what I’ve got left.

Keeping busy. I have done this my setting about a big spring- clean of my house and garden, tidying, creating and the best therapy of all, nurturing plants and flowers.

Don’t take it personally – For many years I felt ashamed- this was my family! This shame meant that I didn’t talk to people and the negative emotions became charged. I now adopt the Buddhist perspective – shit happens !

I have practiced self care and continued by daily yoga practice.

I have learnt a big lesson here, that I, and undoubtedly all of us, have a tendency to catastrophise. In that we see a problem as a catastrophe and doubt our coping abilities

What is true is that the universe has been looking after me. It has balanced the negatives with the positives and given me the strength to deal with this situation and put things in place to support me. The universe has provided me with a loving, supportive partner, a network of good friends, a positive healthy life style – I have a lovely horse called Cherry Blossom, who is such good therapy for me, and a fantastic dog called Harry.

Whatever your challenges right now have a look to see what the universe has put in place to help you through it.

One of the things that the universe has given me is now looking up at me and saying “when are you going to get off that computer and take me for a walk? – I’m off to the park for some fun and fresh air!