The most depressing day of the year

According to health psychologist Cliff Arnall, based at Cardiff University, the most depressing day of the year is fast approaching! Last year it was calculated to fall on the 23^rd January and this year it will fall on Monday 22^nd.  In order to calculate the lowest emotional point of the year, he came up with the following mathematical formula:-  

1/8W + (D-d) 3/8XTQMxNA   

This formula is not applicable to people with clinical depression but can be applied to fully functioning individuals. The formula is derived from:- §         The dreariness of the weather (W). January always looks bleak when the festive lights are taken down.§         The arrival of the maxed out credit card bills (D) minus the monthly salary (d).§         The time lapse from Christmas.§         Failing to keep those New Year’s resolutions to quit a bad habit or lead a healthier life (Q).§         Low motivation levels as a result of the above and the need to take action but not actually taking any (M) x (NA) or non -action. The most depressing day falls on the Monday closest to the 24th January because, as we all know, Monday is considered to be the most disliked day of the week. The holiday industry has got this one sussed, it’s no coincidence that we are bombarded with adverts to escape to the sun, or at least book your summer holiday. This fulfils our need to take action, and give us something to look forward to. Deep down, however, this may well be adding more pressure because of the cost of the holiday; so in fact the booking of the ubiquitous holiday, can in fact increase worry and debt. §         Arnall’s research was actually funded by the holiday industry, but has nevertheless been borne out by how individuals feel at this time of the year. You only need to ask around your place of work; in the office or factory, and you hear people say that they are fed up with the dark nights. It saps our energy and makes us feel blue.        Some people experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and require a daylight box to lift their spirits. Research, particularly in the fields of psychology, sociology and economics has brought to light a paradox in today’s society. Most people strive for more money, a bigger house, bigger salaries and a better car. Research has showed us that once our basic needs have been met and we earn enough money to feel comfortable, there is absolutely no correlation between increased wealth and increased happiness. On the contrary, people are becoming increasingly unhappy and uneasy with their lives. Within the field of psychology there has been a new discipline, Positive Psychology which was developed to seek to understand positive emotions and how they impact on our happiness.  Notwithstanding the role of genetics, it asserts that we can learn to live within the higher range of our happiness levels (M. Seligman 2002). This concept is not new; some of you may remember a book called ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale circa 1970. This was the first of many self-help books based on taking control of our thinking and adapting a more positive attitude. This has been borne out by the growth in Positive Psychology in varied disciplines including sports coaching and self-development. In many ways the growth of Life Coaching has occurred in response of these findings. Top athletes and performers do not achieve their best without the constant support and motivation of their coach. Ordinary people are similarly experiencing the benefits of hiring a Life Coach to help them to:- §         Become focussed on what they want and not what they settle for.§         Improve confidence and self esteem.§         Be organised and motivated.§         Get support in setting goals and then breaking them down into small achievable steps.§         To be held accountable for doing what they said they would do.§         Be in tune with the spiritual side of their personality to create balance in their hectic lives.§         Getting clarification on issues/worries and learning new powerful perspectives which increase happiness. §         To re-focus and set priorities §         Change their career.§         Improve their relationships.§         Unblock obstacles that are holding them back.§         Improve positive self-talk§         Learn new, positive ways of thinking.§         Get empowered and increase happiness.  Life Coaching is not rocket science, or pseudo psychology, it is a common sense approach which draws on the disciplines of positive psychology, business concepts, philosophy and spirituality. It has been developed to counter-balance the hectic, stressful world we sometimes find ourselves in, with little time to get love and support from our friends and family. I am a trained Social Worker and hold both a BA Honours Degree in Social Sciences and a Masters Degree in Social Work. I have 15 years experience in helping others to generate solutions to their problems. As well as a practical approach, I bring a spiritual dimension to my coaching through my training as a Yoga teacher and my discipline of daily Yoga practice. My Life Coaching motivates and encourages you to find your answers within  I do not coach from a perspective that my own life has been plain sailing but rather that when times have got tough, that’s when we learn our most valuable lessons and personally grow and develop. As the old adage says; ‘the man that has never made a mistake, has never done anything’   So, if you have read this far, and feel that you too could use some support/motivation to stick to your New Year’s resolutions and make 2007 your year, then call me on 01270 627441 from the comfort of your own home. My coaching takes place over the phone and lasts 60 minutes. The first session is FREE and without any obligation! Coaching sessions can be arranged to suit your other commitments, but are generally scheduled once a week with a follow up e-mail. SO BEAT THOSE WINTER BLUES AND CALL CAROLE ON  01270 627441 FOR YOUR FREE COACHING SESSION. YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!       

The Magic of Coaching!

The past twelve months have been my most challenging year of my life but I have remained, in the main, happy within my self with the support of the ICA community. When things seemed to be getting on top me I would read someone’s blog or go onto the discussion board and soak up the positive energy! However, I started to get very stressed just before Christmas, which is always a bad time when you have lost a loved one. I was trying to cope with my mum who has experienced chronic anxiety and depression since the loss her partner and then my brother this year. I was keeping busy, trying to stay positive and although I could mentally deal with all the emotional stress, on top of a demanding full- time job, my stress started to manifest itself physically. I developed a stress related skin condition and just felt very stretched beyond my normal resilience, and my itchy skin was driving me bonkers!  Once this started to happen I thought, now as a coach what do I need to do?  

• Look after myself?
• Ask for help and support?
• Be kind to myself?
• Identify the issues?

  So I booked myself in with the local Chinese Doctor for acupuncture and after my first session I booked five other sessions to ensure that I would continue  to look after myself. I then asked for help from a coach I had connected with from reading her blog.  We booked a session and she kindly offered me her support. That afternoon in England I rang Vicki in Canada.  I sat in my bedroom watching the winter sun slowly going down and talked through my concerns. I had a sack full of emotions to manage and to cope with following the untimely death of my brother and the demands of an aging and very ill parent. Vicki listened, supported, championed and guided me to put in some structures of support. These included:-  

• Let go of the outcome  ( I had been willing my mum to recover, and felt angry that she was so ill as a result of what my brother had put her through)
• Imagine a glass partition between myself and my mum – this was because I had got hooked into a pattern of being the protector and the rescuer and I had run out of energy to continue with these roles whilst dealing with my own issues. I felt trapped, with no where to escape to.  
• Boundaries This was about realistic expectations of me on my mums part.

• Acceptance   I needed to accept that my mum was how she was now and not imagine that one day she would just snap back into her old self.

  

• Guilt management and handling the feelings of guilt – I felt that my mum was manipulating me using guilt and I was becoming resentful.

• Letting go of the past.
• Vicki sensitively and expertly unpicked these emotions and gave me a frame work to apply.

 The next time I was with my mum I put these tools in place … and wow!! What a difference. I was calmer because I was more detached which broke the habit pattern of twenty years.  

• I accepted the situation as it was which diluted the emotional pain.
• Letting go of the past and the death of my brother. This tool was particularly useful for me as I now realise that I was stuck in an angry place and was picking the scabs each time I saw my mum.
• The tools Vicki suggested released me from a negative and destructive pattern based on hurt, injustice and frustration.
• By adopting the tools I set myself free.
• This enabled me to connect with my mum better than I had done for 12 months. It put me in a place where I could counsel her about moving on and healing and looking forward to a brighter future. This was supported by me constantly saying to myself “let go of the past”.  
• We sat together and talked and from my new place of calmness I could care and support her and be positive again.

 I have just experienced, yet again, the power of coaching and its ability to make massive emotional shifts by applying well crafted tools and holding a person in unconditional positive regard. A special thank you to Vicki for her time and expertise and for being in my corner during this difficult time for me.