The Magic of Coaching!

The past twelve months have been my most challenging year of my life but I have remained, in the main, happy within my self with the support of the ICA community. When things seemed to be getting on top me I would read someone’s blog or go onto the discussion board and soak up the positive energy! However, I started to get very stressed just before Christmas, which is always a bad time when you have lost a loved one. I was trying to cope with my mum who has experienced chronic anxiety and depression since the loss her partner and then my brother this year. I was keeping busy, trying to stay positive and although I could mentally deal with all the emotional stress, on top of a demanding full- time job, my stress started to manifest itself physically. I developed a stress related skin condition and just felt very stretched beyond my normal resilience, and my itchy skin was driving me bonkers!  Once this started to happen I thought, now as a coach what do I need to do?  

• Look after myself?
• Ask for help and support?
• Be kind to myself?
• Identify the issues?

  So I booked myself in with the local Chinese Doctor for acupuncture and after my first session I booked five other sessions to ensure that I would continue  to look after myself. I then asked for help from a coach I had connected with from reading her blog.  We booked a session and she kindly offered me her support. That afternoon in England I rang Vicki in Canada.  I sat in my bedroom watching the winter sun slowly going down and talked through my concerns. I had a sack full of emotions to manage and to cope with following the untimely death of my brother and the demands of an aging and very ill parent. Vicki listened, supported, championed and guided me to put in some structures of support. These included:-  

• Let go of the outcome  ( I had been willing my mum to recover, and felt angry that she was so ill as a result of what my brother had put her through)
• Imagine a glass partition between myself and my mum – this was because I had got hooked into a pattern of being the protector and the rescuer and I had run out of energy to continue with these roles whilst dealing with my own issues. I felt trapped, with no where to escape to.  
• Boundaries This was about realistic expectations of me on my mums part.

• Acceptance   I needed to accept that my mum was how she was now and not imagine that one day she would just snap back into her old self.

  

• Guilt management and handling the feelings of guilt – I felt that my mum was manipulating me using guilt and I was becoming resentful.

• Letting go of the past.
• Vicki sensitively and expertly unpicked these emotions and gave me a frame work to apply.

 The next time I was with my mum I put these tools in place … and wow!! What a difference. I was calmer because I was more detached which broke the habit pattern of twenty years.  

• I accepted the situation as it was which diluted the emotional pain.
• Letting go of the past and the death of my brother. This tool was particularly useful for me as I now realise that I was stuck in an angry place and was picking the scabs each time I saw my mum.
• The tools Vicki suggested released me from a negative and destructive pattern based on hurt, injustice and frustration.
• By adopting the tools I set myself free.
• This enabled me to connect with my mum better than I had done for 12 months. It put me in a place where I could counsel her about moving on and healing and looking forward to a brighter future. This was supported by me constantly saying to myself “let go of the past”.  
• We sat together and talked and from my new place of calmness I could care and support her and be positive again.

 I have just experienced, yet again, the power of coaching and its ability to make massive emotional shifts by applying well crafted tools and holding a person in unconditional positive regard. A special thank you to Vicki for her time and expertise and for being in my corner during this difficult time for me.